


A Disobedient Fairytale

by supergeek99



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Castiel's First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Human Castiel, Hunter Dean, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, Let that be a warning to those traumatised by twist and shout, Lung Cancer, M/M, Romance, Ruby's Knife, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Terminal Illnesses, True Love, Walks On The Beach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:46:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9788531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergeek99/pseuds/supergeek99
Summary: When Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak meet, neither are particularly optimistic about the future. But as their relationship blossoms, the wounds of the past begin to heal. However, the winchesters have a job to do and the monsters don't care about love and happiness. Will Castiel be able to drag Dean into the light? Or will the darkness consume them both?





	1. Prologue

From an early age, we're told that true love conquers all.

It's shoved down our throats by _Walt Disney;_ this idea that “true love's kiss will break the spell.” or that by simply loving someone you can bring them back from the dead. It entices you with the belief that even the might of death can be vanquished by the flaming sword of true love!

But magic isn't real. The dead don't come back to life. There are no second chances to say goodbye. No visits from dead loved ones offering consolidation from the abyss.

Anyone who believes that it is is naive

And so, so lucky.

Perhaps the age old saying is right, perhaps ignorance really is bliss

Everyone believes that at some point, some for longer than others. Eventually everyone wakes up one morning and has their life turned upside down as it reminds you that things don't work that way. The universe simply does not care about your happily ever afters or  _“what's meant to be”._

Part of this is about wanting to warn you all to resist the pull of love. And yet, does anybody really have the right to tell you to deprive yourself of what will be your happiest moments? Those precious moments are worth having your heart broken for. That's a promise.

Don't give up those memories for anything; cherish them. They make us who we are.

Keep living. Keep going. Keep plodding along.

Because once in a while true love is truly found- a promise that is never broken despite everything the world throws at it.

 

This is the story of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak.

This is their fairytale.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter One

 

 

A narrow beam of sunlight, sneaking in through the crack in the curtains, lay across Castiel's eyelids causing him to stir. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should be getting ready for school but the soft chirping of the birds outside his window enticed him back to sleep.

Castiel was woken again by his mum, Tessa, gently shaking his shoulder.

“Come on, angel,” she called through his dreamy-haze. “Do you really want to be late on your first day?”

Castiel shook his head, “I'm getting up,” he murmured.

“Alright but make sure you actually do. I know what you're like.”

Tessa stood and made to leave Castiel's bedroom. When she reached the doorway, she turned to watch her son. She enjoyed seeing him first thing in the morning, before his worries settled over his face. For just a second, she could see him as he was less than a year ago, his only concern overdue homework. But that was why she had moved them away from the home he'd grown up in ; to give him a chance to find himself again.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she went downstairs to make Castiel an omelette and put the kettle on

Back in his room, Castiel lay with his hand held loosely over his eyes, shielding them from the sudden light. With a groan, he pulled himself into a sitting position and swung himself out of bed.

A few minutes later, he was fully dressed, stood in front of his mirror brushing his hair out of his eyes with his hands. He fretted about being overdressed, because while the sixth form dress code may have been “office wear” there was no guarantee that anyone else would adhere to it. Automatically, he adjusted his tie so that it hung loosely. He wasn't even sure why he was bothering. After last March, he was determined to keep his head down for the next two years. He wasn't overly fussed about having friends anymore, and his experience had shown just how dangerous it was. Absentmindedly, he rubbed the scar on his chin, obscured slightly by the stubble covering the lower half of his face.

“Cassie!” his mum called him for breakfast.

“Coming!” he yelled back, picking up his ready-packed rucksack on the way downstairs.

Tessa has cooked the two of them omelettes filled with bacon and cheese which they ate sitting across from each other surrounded by family photographs:

Castiel's parents holding him as a newborn beaming proudly; Castiel on top of his father's shoulders when he was six; Tessa's arm around him on his first day of secondary school; the two of them stood outside the new house on what should've been his prom...

“Are you alright, Cassie?” Tessa asked, concerned by how pale Castiel looked. Castiel merely nodded, throat too tight to speak. The feeling of dread he had been experiencing for the past six weeks reaching its climax.

Deciding now was not the time to push it, Tessa allowed Castiel to finish his breakfast in silence.

When the time for Castiel to leave, he carefully hung his rucksack on both shoulders where it rested comfortably over his tan overcoat, which he left hanging open, eager to enjoy the last warmth of the year.

Just as he pushed the chrome handle down, Tessa called him back.

“Oi! Are you too grown-up to give your mum a hug now?”

Castiel turned, a small smile across his lips crinkling the corners of his eyes slightly. He crossed the hallway, pulling Tessa into a tight hug. He was so much taller than her that he had to rest his head on top of hers.

“Never,” his voice was firm leaving no room for doubt. “Love you,” he murmured as he bent to kiss her cheek.

“Love you too,” Tessa smiled giving him a final squeeze before shooing him out of the door.

Outside the door, Castiel inserted his earphones into his phone before shoving the buds unceremoniously into his ears. He soon fell into step with the music

 

_and you're so far down,_

_but you will survive it somehow...._

 

as he set off for school.

 

About halfway to school, he stopped alongside a pair of young boys, one, around his age wearing a faded leather jacket, looked across and saw Castiel watching them. The boy was good-looking in a male model kind of way, with his perfectly straight nose and full lips. As Castiel made to turn away, the other boy smiled wolfishly at at him.

And, looking into those emerald eyes, Castiel couldn't help but smile back despite the way his cheeks were burning.

` Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all

 

 

The shrill beeping of an alarm clock dragged Dean out of his dreams- green sunlit pastures where there was nothing to jump out at him. Blindly, he smashed at the buttons on the clock until it went silent.

He climbed out of bed and crossed the room to flick the light switch on. When it didn't immediately respond, he flicked the switch up and down a couple of times before giving up. He could see a light on on the landing outside his door so he knew the power must be on. Making a mental note to change the light-bulb later, he left the room to wake up Sam.

He rapped his knuckles softly on the door resisting the urge to pick at the peeling paint; yet another job his dad was yet to get round to.

“Sammy, you awake?” his voice sleepy

“Of course, Dean. You're the lazy bones, remember?” Sam's cheerful voice responded.

Chuckling, he returned to his room to get dressed.

Five minutes later, he made his way downstairs, tugging at his tie, cursing the sixth-form dress code under his breath.

Sat at the table eating a bowl of coco-pops, Sam laughed at Dean's discomfort.

“Don't be such a bitch, Sammy. You know I hate these monkey suits.”

“At least it's not school uniform.”

“Yeah, well maybe if you loosened your tie up a little it wouldn't be so bad. You're such a nerd- it's embarrassing,” Dean said affectionately messing up Sam's hair.

Sam just glared at him while he set about flattening his hair.

If Dean was honest with himself, he was actually looking forward to school. It was a chance for Sam to get away from their dad, and for himself in a way. He loved his dad, and he understood that things just had to be the way they were, and that sometimes he just had to do what he was told as if he were a soldier listening to his commanding officer. But that didn't stop the knot in his stomach as Sam kept glancing over at their dad, sprawled fully dressed, hands covered in what a more sheltered child would probably believe to be rust, across the threadbare sofa. Both of them knew John was trying his best but he always seemed too preoccupied, too hell-bent on revenge, to pay any substantial attention to his children. Instead, Dean was left to attend Sam's parents' evenings while John went out and hunted the monsters under other people's beds.

Absentmindedly, Dean glanced at his watch- ten past eight.

“Shit, we better leave, Sammy.”

Leather jacket on, bag slung over one shoulder, Dean swung the front door shut after himself.

“Bye, dad,” he muttered.

 

On the way to school, Sam babbled on about how great this year was going to be now that he wasn't in the youngest year group. Dean was enthusiastic in his response. Sam was the clever one and Dean wanted him to enjoy school for as long as possible.

While they waited to cross a road, Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up on end. One hand reaching for the knife tucked into the waistband of his trousers, he turned to see a boy in a tan overcoat watching them with the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen; his dark hair was slightly ruffled as though somebody had been running their hands through it. Dean had to admit to himself that it was rather attractive.

As the boy made to turn away, Dean grinned at him almost reflexively. To his surprise, the boy smiled sheepishly back as a faint flush rose across his cheekbones.

At that point, the green man lit up and the boy strode across the road and down the path faster than Dean, at least with Sam in tow, could walk.

 

“Do you reckon he was a school kid, Sammy?”

Sam, realising that Dean hadn't been paying attention to him, squinted at the boy ahead of them.

“Looks like it to me,” Sam looked up at Dean as he replied and although he couldn't really see his brother's face due to the low autumn sun directly behind Dean's head, he could see that Dean was fixated on the other boy. Not that Sam was jealous, Dean needed more friends in sam's opinion.

Dean made a silent vow to himself to find the boy once he got to school. He didn't know why but something was drawing him towards the boy, something inescapable.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter Two

Sam had run off to join his friends, leaving Dean alone to think of a plan to find the boy he had seen. However, he had thus far come up short. It turned out that standing outside scanning the crowd of teenagers wasn't the most efficient of finding someone.

Then it occurred to him; the boy hadn't been in uniform so he must be sixth form so chances were he was new (after all, it was fairly common for people to change school at the beginning of year 12 though Dean did find it odd that he hadn't been at the “Team Building Day” held in late July with the other possible newcomers). And a new student for sixth form would probably be in the sixth form office being given some kind of orientation.

Feeling rather proud of himself, Dean all but ran to the sixth form centre. A young girl watched him suspiciously as he crept towards the office window. She had her platinum air tied in pigtails and a blazer three sizes too big. Dean eyed her up before deciding she was most likely a year seven so unlikely to go to a teacher about the weird sixth former, although the intensity of her stare did make Dean slightly uneasy. He shook himself, telling himself that he was being silly. The most dangerous thing was that Mr Walker would spot him because while there was nothing explicitly wrong with what he was doing, he wouldn't put it past Mr Walker to relish the idea of putting Dean in a detention on the first day back, especially after the reputation Dean had acquired in the last two months of the last term.

Once he was beside the window frame, Dean leaned slowly around it. Just as his head appeared in-line with the window pane, the boy's eyes flicked up towards him. With lightning reflexes, Dean spun away from the window, heart hammering as he flattened himself against the window once more. Dean grinned to himself. At least now he knew where the mysterious boy was.

Without thinking about how he was going to explain himself, he ambled round to the front of the building to the set of double doors beside which he lounged against the wall and waited for the boy to emerge.

 

Unfortunately for Dean, by the time the bell had rung for morning registration, the boy still hadn't emerged, leaving Dean with no choice but to head for tutor .

Reclaiming his preferred position in the back corner by the door, Dean threw himself down in the blue plastic chair and slung his bag into the one next to him as he watched the others pour into the room.

Charlie. A girl with long, vibrant red hair, fist bumped him as she came through the door. She wore a hot pink t-shirt with the slogan _“nerdy is the new sexy”_ emblazoned across her chest, a grey hoodie and pink converse. 

“Charlie, you have an interesting interpretation of the school dress code,” Dean noted.

“This is exactly what someone at Google would wear!” she whined playfully.

“Good luck explaining that to...” Dean trailed off at the sight of the blue-eyed boy behind Charlie. Charlie, noticing where Dean's attention had drifted, “ooh, he's dreamy,” she whispered, winking before removing herself. 

Miss Cartwright had also spotted the newcomer. 

“Ahh, you must be Castiel. Feel free to take a seat wherever you like,” her arm swooping to encompass the whole room 

Castiel's eyes were drawn to his left by the sudden rustling of a bag being moved; to the eyes of the boy in the leather jacket. Without even thinking about it, Castiel lowered himself into the chair beside him, dropping his rucksack gently onto the floor. His eyes darted to the boy beside him, catching a brief glimpse of the scattering of freckles across his nose and cheekbones.

After taking the register and reminding them that they were to remain in their tutor bases for the duration of the first lesson, Miss Cartwright handed out their timetables then left the students to it, assuming that by now they were perfectly capable of sorting themselves out. 

“Castiel, huh? Interesting name... does it come from somewhere?” the sudden conversation startled Castiel, who had been watching a small white butterfly outside the window, so he took a couple of seconds to reply as he rubbed at the back of his neck, “I think it comes from an angel... Cassiel”

“Cool, I'm Dean by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” Castiel was desperately avoiding looking into those warm green eyes, the pull of them threatening to trap him.

“So you new here?” Dean asked then immediately kicked himself for asking a stupid question. As Castiel opened his mouth to answer, Dean cut him off. “OK, stupid question. Here's a better one, why'd you move here?”

Castiel suddenly became very interested in his timetable and, sensing that he'd clearly stepped onto something he shouldn't have, Dean didn't force the issue. 

Castiel's mind was reeling, he knew it had only been a matter of time before the question of why he had moved came up but he definitely had not been expecting it so soon. He dare not tell anyone about Tessa's reasons for moving them away from the only home he'd ever known out of fear for the past repeating itself. He thought he could stand it a second time but he couldn't do it to her, not again. The guilt had already threatened to consume him the first time. He was going to make it through the next eighteen months then he'd be free. Free to truly be himself. However, for now he had to hide, blend in. 

The two boys didn't speak until the end of the first lesson when Dean broke the silence by offering to show Castiel to his next lesson which Castiel gratefully accepted. They didn't talk in the couple of minutes walking to maths block leaving Castiel glad to duck into his classroom. 

 

Castiel didn't see Dean again until he entered the common room at lunchtime. Dean was sat at a table by himself, leaning heavily on his elbows. He only raised his eyebrows slightly as Castiel sat down opposite him. He wasn't completely sure what he was doing but some part of him felt the need to explain himself, it couldn't bare the thought of this near perfect stranger thinking badly of him. 

“Sorry about earlier,” the words poured out as soon as he sat down, “I'm just not ready to talk about  _that_ yet. Sorry for being rude about it earlier... Anyway, I'll leave you in peace now,” Castiel rose and turned to leave but had barely turned from the table when Dean called him back. 

“Wait! You can sit here if you like,” the corner of Dean's mouth lifted into a smile, his careless nature giving Castiel no choice but to accept. 

“Look, it was my fault. I should keep my nose out of other people's business. It's all water under the bridge now so how about we start over?” 

Castiel nodded, biting the inside of his lip suddenly unsure of himself. Dean extended his hand over the table, which Castiel grasped in a firm grip.

“My name is Dean Winchester, I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women, or men. I don't judge,” with that he winked flirtatiously as Castiel swallowed thickly around the lump that had formed in his throat. He felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. How could Dean say it so casually? 

Castiel took a deep breath, “Castiel Novak, I'm a Sagittarius... I think. I like bees, the smell of coffee and...” Castiel's mouth refused to form the words, the truth he was still scared to admit.

“... guys with green eyes and a cool leather coat?” Dean cut him off, grinning as ever. 

“Actually, I think I might be getting a thing for brown eyes and anaraks,” Castiel smiled coyly unsure of how or when he had become trusting of Dean. There was just something in his eyes. Something pure in its honesty. Something that said  _I won't hurt you._

Dean's eyebrows shot up in shock, his hand clutching his chest but he was unable to keep it up for long before he fell about laughing. Dean's laugh was contagious and soon Castiel's deep laugh filled Dean's ears. Castiel's whole face lit up when he laughed, as though there was a star burning inside him. 

The two struggled to stop their laughing fit, they would begin to stop but then catch sight of the other and start up all over again. Neither of them were entirely sure what had been so funny. But after that the awkwardness between them was gone and they chatted lightly for the rest of lunch, unaware that they had taken the first step along a very long and unforgiving path. 

 

At the end of lunch, Dean escorted Castiel to his Philosophy lesson, pointing people of interest, both staff and student alike, along the way as Castiel listened intently, taking in the sound of Dean's voice. 

“Hey, do you fancy walking home with me? Sam, that's my brother you saw me walking to school with, is walking home with some of his friends.”

“I'd like that. You can make sure I don't get lost.”

With that, Castiel turned to go into Humanities block. Dean stood in front of the glass doors, watching Castiel stride down the corridor as students jostled past him. He wanted Castiel to turn around; wanted some piece of final contact.

As he reached his classroom, Castiel glanced towards the entrance to see Dean standing sideways, watching him. He was like a rock in a riverbed,still as everything else flowed around him. Castiel gave a small wave which Dean returned before walking off. 

 

On the way home, both Dean and Castiel had their coats slung over their arms as the sun shone brightly unhindered by clouds. Castiel's head was bowed to keep the sun out of his eyes as Dean continued the conversation from lunch. 

“You've got Bobby- I mean, Mr Singer for Philosophy?” Dean questioned Castiel as they entered the housing estate where they both lived. The crowd of students had thinned out as they got further from school so that now it was just the two of them walking through the run down estate. 

“ Yeah, he seems like a good guy.”

Dean nodded, “He's friends with my dad. We used to stay here sometimes but that was before we moved here.”

Castiel's brows furrowed together. Dean had seemed like such an expert on the town that he'd assumed he always lived here. 

“We only moved four months ago but I've been around town a lot,” Dean explained, answering Castiel's unasked question. 

At this point, Dean stopped beside a junction. “You go left don't you? Crouch Court?”

Castiel nodded.

“Oh, I go right, that sucks... Hey, why don't you stop by my house for a bit?”

“I don't know, Dean. My mum'll be expecting me back...”

“So ring her... please,” Dean stuck his bottom lip out and gave him puppy dog eyes. 

“You're an assbutt, Dean Winchester,” Castiel sighed as he pulled his phone out and rung Tessa. 

“Hey, angel,” Tessa answered after a couple of rings, “everything alright?” Castiel could hear the worry in his voice. 

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering if I could stop by a...” he glanced at Dean before continuing “... friend's house.”

“A friend?”

“Yep. His name's Dean.”

Tessa smiled to herself on the other end, partly glad that Castiel had actually spoken to someone, and partly amused in the way that most parents are when they suspect their children of developing a crush.

“OK, Cassie. Have fun and I'll see you in a bit.”

“Love you, bye.”

“Love you too.”

Castiel hung up turning to Dean, a look of defiance on his face as he silently dared Dean to mock him.

But he didn't, he merely confirmed that Castiel was in the clear then led him a short way down the road to his house. 

 

When they got there, Dean silently cursed his dad for not looking after the place better. Weeds were growing uncontrolled in the front garden, the gate was covered in rust and the front door stuck as it always did when he tried to open it. 

After many attempts to barge the door open with his shoulder, it gave way with little warning and Dean practically fell into the dim hallway as Castiel valiantly controlled his laughter. Embarrassed, Dean hurriedly hung their coats up before dragging Castiel up to his room. 

As he pushed the door open, he caught sight of the bare light-bulb hanging from the ceiling and was reminded that it needed changing. 

“I'm just going to change the light-bulb before I forget.”

Dean pulled a box down from his wardrobe as Castiel moved awkwardly into the room. The box clinked slightly as Dean lifted it down gingerly. He opened it to reveal ten or so identical bulbs. 

“I keep a stash in here because dad has a habit of moving everything around and then I can never find them when I need one.” 

Dean moved a pile of clothes off of an old rickety chair onto his haphazardly made bed before dragging it under the light and climbing onto it.

Once he had unscrewed the bulb, he passed it down to Castiel, who put it in the bin before moving to stand in front of Dean, while Dean screwed the new bulb in. Dean stood with his hands on his hips, grinning down at Castiel like a cheshire cat. 

But just as he made to step down, the chair shook causing Dean to slip. Although Castiel tried to catch him, Dean's weight succeeded in toppling them both to the floor.

Castiel landed flat on his back, arms out to the sides with Dean partially on top of him. Dean's arms were tensed on either side of his head, keeping his torso hovering above Castiel's while Dean's hips pinned Castiel to the floor. 

Castiel's tongue flitted across his lips as his eyes skated from Dean's soft, full lips up to his eyes. The countless freckles across his nose forming constellations while galaxies were born in his eyes. 

Dean felt as though he were drowning in the deep blue of Castiel's eyes. But was in really drowning is you didn't  _want_ to come up for air?

Dean saw Castiel's lips part slightly as he leaned down, their noses brushing past each other. Castiel's eyes fluttered closed, long lashes resting across his cheekbones as they drew closer, so close they were sharing air.

 

 


	4. Chapter Three

 

Chapter Three

 

Suddenly, the front door crashed open as someone forced it open.

Dean leapt off of Castiel as though he'd been electrocuted as a gruff voice called up the stairs, “Dean! You home?”

“Yeah, I'm just coming down now!” Dean hollerred back before pulling a stunned Cas to his feet.

Castiel and Dean stood inches apart, both trying to process what had just happened. Dean clasped Castiel's right shoulder briefly before letting his hand fall.

“I'm sorry, Cas,” he said softly. Dean wasn't sure if he were sorry for nearly kissing Cas when he knew he couldn't let people in, knew they could never be together; not in the way Dean felt his heart already seeking, or for the fact that his dad had come home at such an inopportune moment.

“No need to apologise,” Cas reassured him.

“Come on, we better go downstairs.”

Castiel followed Dean down the stairs and into the cramped hallway, where a burly, dark-haired man stood at the bottom of the stairs. He moved aside as the boys came down the stairs and Dean introduced Castiel, uncharacteristically nervous.

“Dad, this is Cas. Cas, this is my dad, John Winchester.”

Jon shook Castiel's hand, “Cas? Short for?”

“Castiel. But Cas is more than adequate.”

“It's nice to meet you, Cas. Dean doesn't normally bring anyone home so I suppose this ought to be celebrated.” John looked towards Dean who stood mutinous against the kitchen door frame. “Would you like to stay for tea?”

“Thank you for the offer Mr Winchester but I really should be getting back.”

“Maybe another time then.”

Dean had moved unnoticed behind John to slip a piece of paper into Cas' coat before appearing beside him, handing the coat over. Their fingers brushing as Castiel took the coat from Dean

`“Thank you,” Castiel mumbled.

Dean opened the door for Castiel, “See you tomorrow, Dean.”

“Not if I see you first, Cas.”

Dean watched Cas go through the gate before turning on John.

 

“Mum? Where are you?”

“In the kitchen,angel.”

Castiel entered the kitchen to find Tessa surrounded by flour, sugar, chocolate chips and cookie cutters. Most of the flour seemed to have found its way onto his jeans though there was a streak across her left cheek.

“Hey sweetie! I would give you a hug but we wouldn't want to get your nice smart trousers covered in flour.”

“How about I get changed then give you some help?”

“Good idea, and you can tell me all about Dean.”

“Mum...”

“No arguments, young man,” she scolded playfully,brandishing a whisk at him. “Now get up those stairs.”

Castiel turned, shaking his head. He knew it would be useless to argue with her and now that she had brought Dean up, Castiel was itching to tell her all about him.

He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, startled when a piece of paper fell out. Puzzled, he stooped down to pick it up. On one side, it read:

Text me

-Dean

and on the other-side a mobile number had been hastily written.

Castiel saved the number into his phone on his way up the stairs before typing a short message to Dean:

Hello, Dean. This is Cas.

 

He dropped his phone onto his perfectly made bed- a sign Tessa had been in there- then changed into a pair of loose jogging bottoms and a hoodie.

Whilst hanging his shirt and trousers back up, a battered old box caught his eye. It was only small, the words _Baby's first shoes_ written across the lid in gold script. He placed his hand flat on the lid, eyelids closed for a few seconds before deciding to pull it out.

Inside lay a single leather bracelet etched with strange, rune-like symbols. Castiel ran his long fingers over the angel wings either side of the clasp, feeling the grooves under his fingers as he was transported to a night just over ten years ago.

 

 

 _Castiel's room lit up for a brief moment as lighting flashed across the sky as Castiel, buried deep beneath his duvet, counted silently_ 1...2...3 _before the boom of thunder rolled around his room._

_“3 miles away,” he whispered, half enthralled by the ever closer storm and half terrified._

_He listened intently for any noise coming from downstairs but was met only with silence; they had finally stopped shouting. Castiel didn't really understand what they were arguing about, just that Daddy had done a Bad Thing which had made Mummy cry. They had spent most of the past two days shooing Castiel up to his room in hushed voices before yelling at each other again._

_Castiel wasn't sure how long he remained curled up in his duvet before his father gently pulled the cover back. Chuck's curly hair appeared before Castiel's eyes as his father's mouth curled into a small smile._

_“Why're you sitting in the dark,Cassie?”_

_“Because if I turn the light on, the lightning will... it will...” he pondered for a moment as he racked his brain for the right word “... it will ZAP me!” he exclaimed excitedly as Chuck lifted Castiel into his lap._

_“We need to have a little chat, Cassie,” his voice growing solemn as he brushed Castiel's tangled fringe out of his eyes._

_Castiel bit at his bottom lip, “Is it about you and mummy?”_

_Chuck nodded, looking into his son's shining eyes, so filled with innocence, his mouth became dry as he was hit with a fresh pang of guilt._

_“But first, I've got a present for you,” Chuck pulled a bracelet out of his pocket. The silver wings reflected the lightning flashing outside the window. He placed the bracelet firmly into Castiel's hand._

_“This bracelet was my father's and his father's before him and now it's time for you to have it.”_

_Castiel cocked his slightly as he studied the markings on the bracelet, “What do these mean, Daddy?”_

_“They're magical symbols, Cassie. It's a spell so as long as you have this, you will always find your way home.”_

_Chuck pulled Castiel closer towards him, clutching him to his chest._

_“I want you to remember this, my little angel, I will always love you. But me and mummy just can't keep going like this anymore, and it's all my fault, Cassie,” Chuck sighed._

_How could he possibly explain to a six year old that he had cheated on his wife, the mother of his son. But he saw a glimmer of understanding in Castiel's eyes. The arguing had been hard to miss and Castiel was clever; he'd work it out one day._

_Clinging to his last moments with his son, chuck fished around for something, anything, to say._

_“Do you know why we named you Castiel?”_

_Castiel merely shook his head._

_“It was after an angel, Cassiel. My father used to tell me that we're related to angels.”_

_“But that's impossible.”_

_“Nothing's impossible.”_

_Chuck glanced at the clock on Castiel's bedside table, the glow in the dark hands showing it was half past nine._

_“Anyway, it is way past your bedtime!” Chuck exclaimed in fake anger as Castiel chuckled and climbed under his covers, squeezing his eyes shut._

_Chuck whispered in his ear before leaving the room, the door clicking shut behind him._

 

 

Castiel threw the bracelet unceremoniously back into the box. The bracelet wasn't magical, it hadn't prevented him from being driven out of his childhood home and it hadn't brought his father back either. Was anywhere really home when one of your parents had abandoned you?

His father's last words to him rang through his head _“Always have the courage to be who you are”_ but Castiel didn't feel he had the strength. He just felt tired, tired of lying to himself, tired of the pity he could see deep down in Tessa's eyes, no matter how hard she tried to conceal it.

Behind him, his phone buzzed as a text message came through.

 

Dean :

Meet me at the junction at 8?

 

Hope, unbidden yet unchecked, flared within Castiel as he text back

 

See you there

 

before making his way downstairs to join Tessa.

 

 

 

“Why'd you invite him for tea?”

“I thought you'd like it. You're allowed friends,son.”

“Really? That's not the impression I got before,” Dean put on a gruff voice, imitating John's voice , “The job comes first, Dean. Make sure you do your job!”

“All I meant is not to get too attached, you know we have to move eventually...”

Dean just glared at him, rage coursing through him. John was asking the impossible. How could he expect Dean to make friends and somehow not get attached? Especially when he was inviting them round for tea out of the blue, bringing them further into his life while Dean worked so hard to keep everyone at arm's length. For the past twelve years, Dean had pushed everyone away, not let anyone get too close (even Charlie never saw him outside of school). Everyone except Cas. They'd only known each other a day and yet already Dean was unable to push him away. Already he needed Cas like he needed air.

“... but that doesn't mean you can't be friends with Cas if that's what you want. Or more?”

Dean held up his hand, silencing John. “We are definitely not going into that.”

“This was never the life I wanted for you, Dean. Or Sammy. But after that thing killed your mother, after I learned that there was _real_ evil out in the world, I wanted you prepared. I want you to stay alive. And we have a duty to stop other families going through what we went through,” the softness in John's voice disarmed Dean, who looked at the floor ashamed.

Dean knew what was at stake. He knew why he was forced to live this life.

“I know, dad.”

With that, the front door slowly opened as Sam appeared behind it. Without another word, Dean stalked up to his room.

 

Sam rapped his knuckles sharply against Dean's door, poking his head round it before Dean could answer.

“Hey, Sammy,” He said in a low voice.

“So, Castiel, huh?” Sam grinned innocently.

Dean's only response was to reach behind his back and throw a pillow at Sam, which he caught easily. Sam sat on the other end of Dean's bed, putting the pillow between himself and the hard, cold wall. Dean was slumped against the headboard, head resting on the metal bar.

“Charlie told me you had some serious heart-eyes in tutor.”

“I'm going to kill her,” Dean muttered.

“Do you like him?”

Dean gazed at Sam for a few seconds before nodding jerkily, as though he didn't want to admit it to himself.

“Are you going to ask him out?” Sam asked, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“No. There's no point. Dad'll only move us on eventually.”

“So?”

“So,” Dean sighed exasperated, “I'm not going to get into a relationship. It wouldn't be fair. What's the point of being happy now when it's not going to last?”

“But that's exactly why you should ask him out. You deserve to be happy, Dean. No matter how long it lasts.”

Sam pressed the home button on Dean's phone, absent-mindedly checking the time.

“He's text you, by the way.”

Sam got up to leave but turned as he reached the doorway, Dean had picked up the phone and was hitting it against his palm.

“The really unfair thing to do would be to push Cas away. He won't understand, Dean.”

“Yeah. You always were the smart one, Sammy,” a small smile had crept onto Dean's face.

“You're not just a grunt, Dean. You're clever too.”

Sam left, sure that Dean would make the right decision. It was about time that Dean stopped being scared of his feelings, stopped being constantly scared that at any given moment John could declare that they were moving along.

While Dean's life would never be happily ever after, the yellow-eyes demon has assured that when Dean was just four years old and Sam himself was merely a baby, that didn't mean he couldn't be happy while he could. And it shouldn't stop him falling in love. What was the point in Dean saving everyone else if he couldn't even save himself?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics in Chapter 1 are from "Life Starts Now-Three Days Grace"
> 
> Also, this is my first fanfic so any feedback, either positive or constructive, is more than welcome


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